Today is Mother’s Day. From my memory, it is the first Mother’s Day I have spent most of the day alone. T, my 17-year-old daughter was working. She had to get up and be at work at 7:30 a.m., and kindly let me sleep in, instead of waking me when she left. I got up to a very nice card, addressed to the ‘Coolest Mom’ and a lovely pampering kit. Since she is employed, she can pick out and pay for something for me. T had mentioned taking me to dinner, but then determined she did not have the money to spend to take us out. At first, I was hurt. She had money to take her girlfriend to lunch on Friday. Then, I checked my attitude. She is 17, should it really be on her shoulders to pamper her mom and take her out? See, usually, it is the husband that would plan that, right? What about when the husband isn’t actively in the picture? Then what? Should I really expect that of her, to step into his role and pay for us both to go out to dinner? I decided no and pushed the selfishness aside.

What did I do today, I treated myself to a housekeeper. But that housekeeper was me! Our place has been cluttered and a mess, so I found the energy to get it straightened up a bit. I did something for myself that would make me feel better, I also enjoyed a nice, iced coffee, a new tv series, and church online. I focused on self-care and pampering myself, while still letting myself feel all the emotions.

Even though I found stuff to keep me busy, I was still sad. I cried. I was lonely. A kind of single mom (I don’t know what to call myself), sitting alone most of the day. A nice message from my brother and a phone call with my mom, but still kind of lonely. I let myself feel the emotions but controlled how I reacted and what I did with the emotions. This is not something that has come naturally to me and something I have had to work at over the years.

And, for dinner, well I cleaned up and treated my daughter and me to dinner. We celebrated, and how she has made me the best mom I can be.